I have something to tell you. But first, I want to say thank you so much for being part of Redeemed For More. I have so much that I want to give you. Blogs, books, podcasts. I want to share with you how Jesus is showing up for me. I want us to fight for social justice together. I want to help break the stigma around mental health issues and share encouragement and hope. I want to talk about the better Jesus—the Jesus I'm finding who is so much better than I thought he was. I am excited to do all of these things.
But first, I have to do the hard work of healing.
I keep thinking that I'm good. But I've discovered that previous seasons of counseling and attempts at healing have been like putting a tourniquet on a bleeding arm. Sure it stops the bleeding, but if you don't remove the tourniquet and deal with the bleeding, eventually your arm will die.
Recent events in my life have brought to light that the solution based therapy I've had in the past was helpful in teaching me to cope and to function day to day, but we did not deal with the route of the problem. There is underlying trauma that I need to face in order to truly heal.
And while I'm scared of the process, I have a great deal of hope that I will come out on the other side a whole healed version of myself. It's going to take time and a lot of hard work, but I have found a wonderful therapist who specializes in trauma, and I am ready to do the work.
My new therapist likened it to jamming your finger and not getting it set. Eventually, it will heal the way it is, but you will have a crooked finger. It doesn't hurt every day anymore, so you think you're fine. But your finger is crooked. If you want to truly heal your finger, the first thing the doctor will have to do is re-break it. That hurts. But then they will set it, and it will heal correctly, and you won't have a crooked finger anymore. A lot of people live life with a crooked finger because they don't want the pain of re-breaking it. I don't want a metaphorical crooked finger anymore.
This process will take a lot of time and emotional and physical energy. So I'm stepping away for a while. I'm putting the blog, book, and podcast on hold while I go through this process. I'm sorry that I cannot give you a timeframe for when I will return. Healing has it's own timeline, and I refuse to give myself a deadline. I may check in with an update every once and a while, or I may not. But please know that I love and appreciate each of you.
I will see you on the other side.